After some long deep reflection,  I came to the conclusion that we need to concentrate on being better Muslimahs instead of fretting about not being married or worry about having children late in life. Such worries are red herrings to deter us away from our ultimate purpose that is to worship Allah. Marriage is a rizq from Allah, something already destined before we were even born. We may see that some people have it ‘easy’. That’s their rizq, their test.

Allah wants us to be patient. Allah wants us to improve ourselves so that we can become good mothers who could rock the world with the education we give to our kids.

Who knows us best but Him? He knows that we are not ready yet. And He wants to protect us from a broken heart and shield us from the extra sins. He, too, is preparing our azwaj (spouses) to be good husbands and exemplary fathers. These brothers in Islam, our soulmates are not lost, instead they are studying the map on how to get to us. InshaAllah.

i’ve been meeting friends and having a wonderful time with them over the past few days. but i’m starting to miss my sister and mother..

and my time alone too.

today i prayed in a carpet shop. ultimate YOLO.

zuleikha:

i feel like it has become quite dangerous to be awake around this time at night(or should I say morning). your mind is free to wander, leading you places you thought you forgot about— or didn’t get the chance to visit during the day. places that cause you to remember people who you tried to forget— reliving the same nostalgic feelings that once brought you so much joy, yet left you with nothing but sorrow.

i’m freaking tired right now. i’m covered in sticky and i don’t have time for anything else. not even contemplation.

i don’t know if i’m secretly liking this. 

Oh Allah please guide me.

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i decided to move on as suddenly as i decided to start running. somehow running would be like a physical manifestation of me moving on. 

i can’t wait to get my shoes. and much as i can’t wait to be whole again.